GOD ORDERS RECALL FOR UPGRADES TO 3.0

Mt. Ararat, Turkey -- God made a rare personal appearance today to announce the largest recall order ever. In only the second comprehensive recall since the product's introduction on the sixth day of creation, version 2.0 of Man will be upgraded and launched as 3.0. Over six billion units will eventually be processed. 

"I see the wickedness of Man is great in the earth," said God. "I regret I released a defective product and it grieves my heart. I will recall Man whom I have created from the face of the earth and issue an upgrade." 

The "Man" product line includes both men and women, but God has always marketed women as an inferior model intended to be subservient to men. God's use of the term "Man" is usually understood to implicitly include women, who do not merit equal mention by him. The recall and upgrade apply to both models. 
 
History of Problems

Man has always been a difficult product, even in the beginning. The Alpha and Beta prototypes became incurably infected by the Serpent virus and gained autonomous control of their knowledge systems. They wreaked havoc on God's primary development facility, Eden Laboratories, and were expelled. 

Embarrassed by his failure first to create a perfect product and second to control his creation, God abandoned the Man project after a few half-hearted attempts at intervention. Left to fend for themselves, the prototypes developed and distributed their own self-propagating architecture as version 1.0. 

Version 1.0 survived successfully for many generations, but God eventually became so disappointed with its behavior that he decided to recall it. "I could no
 longer keep a straight face when I called the malfunctions 'undocumented features'," God explained. "They were bugs. Nobody's perfect." 
God used a global flood to recall Man 1.0, except for one sample family he kept alive to repopulate the world. Code-named Noah, the project was designed to develop version 2.0 by retaining only the best features of its extinct predecessor. 

God resolved to actively intervene in the future of Man 2.0, following Noah to prevent a second disappointment. After allowing time for the new version to be fruitful and multiply, he initiated the Abraham plan and many others. "I tried so godd--ned hard," God said, "but the defects in my creation were too severe. It's time to upgrade." 
 
Recall by Asteroid 

The recall of the current version will be conducted by an agent of God, Asteroid 1998 OX4, in January 2014. There are no plans to preserve a sample of Man 2.0 or immediately launch 3.0. "I need some time off to review what went wrong so it won't happen a third time," God said. "Even we omniscient can learn from our mistakes... twice." 

God denied rumors that he was unable to use a second flood due to the terms of the Rainbow Covenant. "No. The reason is that a flood is an overtly miraculous event, and ever since Man began to discipline imagination and exercise reason, I can only perform miracles among the ignorant and stupid," God said. 

The spread of education and science has had a profound effect on God's omnipotence, limiting him to subtle activity cleverly disguised as natural events. An asteroid impact is all he can manage. God pleaded with his creations for calm as their end draws near. "And please, no praying," he said. "It didn't help last time, and it won't help this time."
 

Funny.  i like the Microsoftesque product recall.

Nothing beats this:


And i know it isn't strictly atheistic humour, but it makes me chuckle anyway:

You know why there aren't cartoons like this written by Christians?  Christians in general are too nice- and I can't draw.  Else you'd have some right back atcha folks.

Welcome, btw, Dotard.

Neither of those are correct.   

I thought there was a shade of humor to the cartoons.  But I was serious about Christians doing cartoons.  If they're out there, I haven't seen them.  And many brands of atheism are just begging to be mocked.

Correct? Like what? 2+2=5 isn't correct or I don't want to be exposed to the fact that I'm essentially engaged in 5-year old behavior correct?

People who don't like the thread are free not to read it.  It does have a reasonably specific motivation.

What i meant was that the reason why there aren't a lot of humorous cartoons out there mocking atheism is not because a) christians are too nice, or b) whatever you said; it's because religion - ridiculous concepts which people take very very seriously - is incredibly fertile ground for comedy, and once you get past the point of people being imprisoned or burned alive for blasphemy, it's like a dam wall bursting.

For instance, how is this not hilarious:

What i meant was that the reason why there aren't a lot of humorous cartoons out there mocking atheism is not because a) christians are too nice, or b) whatever you said; it's because religion - ridiculous concepts which people take very very seriously - is incredibly fertile ground for comedy, and once you get past the point of people being imprisoned or burned alive for blasphemy, it's like a dam wall bursting.

Unfortunately for your reasoning, atheism is a religion. And thus follows under your definition.

For instance, how is this not hilarious:

Problably because there are those who are doing just that. I would like to see what happens when someone take something like that to New York on 9/11. Would you like to volunteer?

Oh and other than the third-top panel, and first-bottom panel, that's almost exactly right (bar some changes in wording). And I'm unashamed to say so. I've always held that the difference between our beliefs is that mine doesn't leave me in self-delusion about where I stand.

So much for the Humor thread.

lol good one!