[This next one is better termed "anecdote" than "joke" because it's allegedly a TRUE story! I heard of it from Rabbi Noach Weinberg, Rosh Yeshivah of Yeshivat Aish HaTorah. If you notice, the young man answers a question with a question... well, two actually.]

A Jewish girl from America wanted to marry a Gentile from Australia. Her parents were devastated, but they were able to talk some sense into her. If she could get her paramour to convert, they would consent to the marriage. The Aussie said, "Well, I got nothing against it. How do I do it?" So, the girl's parents sent the young man to Israel to learn of Judaism in an Orthodox Yeshiva. A year later, the young man was visited by the young woman and her two parents, who were visiting Israel to surprise the Yeshiva student. "I came here to ask you if you're ready to marry me." The young man turned to the Jewish girl and asked, "How can I marry you? You wanted to marry a goy!"

ROFL...

Shalom..isn't your illustration sooooo TRUE!!

LOVED IT!!

[Goybert greets Yoshi]:

"Hello Yoshi, I heard you know Hebrew"?

"Yes I do." replied Yoshi.

Goybert: I was wondering what the Hebrew for he is?

Yoshi: Hu. ()

Goybert: Not any one in particular, I just wanted to know what is he?

Yoshi: Hee () is she.

Goybert: Who?

Yoshi: No, Hu () is he.

Goybert: I thought you said he is she?

Yoshi: Yes, that is correct.

Goybert: What is correct?

Yoshi: Hee () is she.

Goybert: I have no idea what you said. Who is she?

Yoshi: No, hu () is he.

Goybert: I dont want to know who he is, now I want to know what she is in Hebrew?

Yoshi: Hee. ()

Goybert: He Who?

Yoshi: Yes that is correct. But, hee () is she.

Goybert: Who is she?

Yoshi: No, hu () is he.

Goybert: Why do you keep asking me "who is he"?

Yoshi: I thought you were asking me what he is in Hebrew?

Goybert: Me?

Yoshi: That is who. ()

Goybert: Who is me?

Yoshi: No, hu () is he, mee () is who.

Goybert: I don't want to know who you are, I want to know who is he?

Yoshi: That is correct.

Goybert: But, I have no idea what I am saying.

Yoshi: But you say it so well.

Goybert: Who me?

Yoshi: Why are you asking me who he is? ()

Goybert: No, I am asking you what is he.

Yoshi: Hee () is she.

Goybert: Who is she?

Yoshi: No, hu () is he.

Goybert: I am very lost. Me is who? Who is he? He is She?

Yoshi: Very good, you said that very well.

Goybert: What did I say?

Yoshi: Mee is who (), hu () is he and hee () is she.

Goybert: Well if you must know, you are crazy, I don't know who he is and if she is a he, I sure don't want to know her?

 

The Ten Commandments
God came down and first he went to the Germans and said, "I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better."
And the Germans asked, "What are Commandments?"
And the Lord said, "Rules for living."
"Can you give us an example?"
"Thou shalt not kill."
"Not kill? We're not interested."
So He went to the Italians and said, "I have Commandments."
And the Italians wanted an example, and the Lord said, "Thou shalt not steal."
"Not steal? We're not interested."
He went to the French and said, "I have Commandments."
The French wanted an example and the Lord said, "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife."
"Not covet my neighbor's wife? We're not interested."
He went to the Jews and said, "I have Commandments."
"Commandments? How much are they?"
"They're free."
"Good then, we'll take 10!"

Two Arabs boarded a flight out of London. One took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat. Just before takeoff, an American sat down in the aisle seat. After takeoff, the American kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, "I need to get up and get a coke."
"Don't get up" said the American, "I'm in the aisle seat. I'll get it for you."
As soon as he left, one of the Arabs picked up the American's shoe and spat in it.
When he returned with the coke, the other Arab said, "That looks good, I'd really like one, too."
Again, the American obligingly went to fetch it. While he was gone the other Arab picked up his other shoe and spat in it. When the American returned, they all sat back and enjoyed the flight.
As the plane was landing, the American slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.
"Why does it have to be this way?" he asked.
"How long must this go on?
This fighting between our nations?
This hatred?
This animosity?
This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes."

These are classic.

"Hebronics"

New York City Public Schools have officially declared Jewish English, now dubbed Hebronics, as a second language. Backers  of the move say the city schools are the first in the nation to recognize  Hebronics as a valid language and a significant attribute of American culture.

According to Howard Ashland, linguistics professor at Brooklyn College and renowned Hebronics scholar, the sentence structure of  Hebronics derives from middle and eastern European language patterns, as  well as Yiddish.

Professor Shulman explains, "In Hebronics, the response to any question is usually another question with a complaint that  is either implied or stated.

Thus 'How are you?' may be answered,  'How should I be, with my bad feet?' Shulman says that Hebronics  is a superb linguistic vehicle for expressing sarcasm or skepticism. An example is the repetition of a word with "sh" or "shm" at the beginning:  "Mountains, shmountains. Stay away. You should want a  nosebleed?"

Another Hebronics pattern is moving the subject of a sentence to the end, with its pronoun at the beginning: "It's beautiful; that dress."

Shulman says one also sees the Hebronics verb moved to the end of the sentence. Thus the response to a remark  such as "He's slow as a turtle," could be: "Turtle shmurtle! Like a fly in Vaseline he walks."

Shulman provided the following examples from his best-selling textbook, Switched-On Hebronics:

Question: "What time is it?"
English answer: "Sorry, I don't know."
Hebronic  response: "What am I, a clock?"

Remark: "I hope things turn out okay."
English answer: "Thanks."
Hebronic response: "I should be so lucky!"

Remark: "Hurry up. Dinner's  ready."
English answer: "Be right there."
Hebronic response:  "Alright already, I'm coming. What's with the 'hurry' business?"

Remark: "Have you gone to that new Chinese restaurant yet?"
English answer: "Yes. The service is good, but the food is so-so."
Hebronic response: "Like poison the food tastes, and the servings are so SMALL."

Remark: "I like the tie you gave me; I wear it all the time."
English answer: "Glad you like it."
Hebronic  response: "So what's the matter; you don't like the other ties I gave  you?"

Remark: "Sarah and I are engaged."
English  answer: "Congratulations!"
Hebronic response: "She could stand to lose a  few pounds."

Question: "Would you like to go riding with us?"
English answer: "Just say when."
Hebronic response: "Riding,  shmiding! Do I look like a cowboy?"

To the guest of honor at a  birthday party:
English response: "Happy birthday."
Hebronic  response: "A year smarter you should become."

Remark: "It's a beautiful day."
English answer: "Sure is."
Hebronic response:  "So the sun is out; what else is new?"

Answering a phone call from a son:
English response: "It's been a while since you called."
Hebronic response: "You didn't wonder if I'm dead already?"