Topic: Abstinence Only (Read 4188 times)

ULTRON · « **Reply #20 on:** September 16, 2007, 10:37:50 PM »

Thanks. But seriously, I feel like a freak. All my friends are having fun but me. A 28 year old virgin?

David · « **Reply #21 on:** September 17, 2007, 10:24:43 AM »

Don't get discouraged. You're doing the right thing.

cimics · « **Reply #22 on:** September 17, 2007, 02:15:14 PM »

Ultron --

You're not the only one. Women who agree with you are out there. Be patient. A good place to look is church.

Copernicus · « **Reply #23 on:** September 17, 2007, 02:51:12 PM »

Ultron, I am not with the others in encouraging your attitude. I think that sexual experience before marriage is both desirable and healthy. Marriage itself is a long-term partnership, and the last thing you want to do is let sexual frustration drive you to make a hasty decision. You also want to know what you are getting into in that department before you commit yourself to a lifetime with that one sexual partner. Bear in mind that you will have very different beliefs and attitudes over the length of your married life. Few people enter into marriage with the expectation of getting a divorce, but divorce rates are nevertheless fairly high.

On the other hand, you are being guided by your own conscience in the matter, and I respect that. Cimics and the others are right that you may still find the partner and the life that you are looking for. I sincerely wish you the best.

ULTRON · « **Reply #24 on:** September 18, 2007, 02:25:11 PM »

Thanks for your kind words Zagzagel, David, cimics, and Copernicus. I feel better now.

ULTRON

MzbytheBook · « **Reply #25 on:** September 25, 2007, 09:40:21 AM »

Ultron,

Sexual experience before marriage may be desirable, but it is not healthy. So many things can "go wrong." What if the other person has a disease and doesn't tell you? What if pregnancy occurs? What if the other person only wants sex and then dumps you?

I think it is best to wait. I think God will honor that if you do.

Copernicus · « **Reply #26 on:** September 25, 2007, 11:38:03 AM »

Quote from: MzbytheBook on September 25, 2007, 09:40:21 AM

What if the other person has a disease and doesn't tell you?

STDs can occur within marriages as well, when one of the partners is unfaithful. All this means is that you need to be careful before engaging in sex with a new partner. People with a lot of sexual partners are at high risk. This is why young people need to undergo compulsory sex education at a young age.

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What if pregnancy occurs?

All this means is that one should use contraception. This is why young people need to undergo compulsory sex education at a young age.

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What if the other person only wants sex and then dumps you?

If one has no extramarital experience, it might be possible that the desire to have sex influences the choice to get married--a very bad idea. Getting "dumped" is painful, and it may be a bit more complicated than the other person being someone who "only wants sex". Being able to handle rejection is an important part of becoming a mature adult. It's not always about sex.

Anthony Horvath · « **Reply #27 on:** September 25, 2007, 11:41:59 AM »

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STDs can occur within marriages as well, when one of the partners is unfaithful. All this means is that you need to be careful before engaging in sex with a new partner.

lol, yea, that's all that means. lol

TheDoctor · « **Reply #28 on:** September 25, 2007, 11:44:51 AM »

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What if pregnancy occurs?

All this means is that one should use contraception. This is why young people need to undergo compulsory sex education at a young age.

And if the contraception fails?

MzbytheBook · « **Reply #29 on:** September 25, 2007, 12:24:00 PM »

The "ideal" situation would be for 2 virgins to marry. Hence, no std. What ever happened to monogamy? Not to be too personal, but my ex-husband and I "waited". He is the only person I've ever been with. I believe that once you have sex with someone, you are united spiritually as well as physically.

About getting dumped: who wants to enter a sexual relationship thinking "I better get ready to for this person to dump me" ?

I guess I feel pretty strong about this because my ex did abuse me sexually. Eventhough we have been divorced almost 3 years, dealing with the memories of what he did and said has been difficult.

Copernicus · « **Reply #30 on:** September 25, 2007, 01:25:56 PM »

Quote from: MzbytheBook on September 25, 2007, 12:24:00 PM

The "ideal" situation would be for 2 virgins to marry. Hence, no std. What ever happened to monogamy? Not to be too personal, but my ex-husband and I "waited". He is the only person I've ever been with. I believe that once you have sex with someone, you are united spiritually as well as physically.

Fair enough. That's your take on the matter. I, too, believe in monogamy as the best situation for a relationship that needs to be built on mutual respect. My opinion has always been that abstinence before marriage distorted the relationship by making too much depend on sex. A marriage is not just the choice of a lifetime sexual partner, but the creation of a family and an economic unit. That means that attitudes towards children, relatives, and money ought to be more important than sexual issues.

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About getting dumped: who wants to enter a sexual relationship thinking "I better get ready to for this person to dump me" ?

Nobody, and I certainly didn't suggest that.

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I guess I feel pretty strong about this because my ex did abuse me sexually. Eventhough we have been divorced almost 3 years, dealing with the memories of what he did and said has been difficult.

I'm very sorry to hear that. I wonder if this all would have come out before marriage and saved you the much more painful experience of having to end what you had rightfully entered into as a lifetime commitment. Nevertheless, I certainly respect your attitudes and approach. We all tend to ignore warning signs in the early stages of a relationship, so premarital sex is certainly no guarantee that problems won't occur after the serious commitment is made.

Copernicus · « **Reply #31 on:** September 25, 2007, 01:32:39 PM »

Quote from: TheDoctor on September 25, 2007, 11:44:51 AM

And if the contraception fails?

Nothing is foolproof, but sex without protection and contraception will make an undesirable outcome much more likely. In the end, no sex at all with anyone ever is the safest course. That would be like the business that shuts down in order to avoid exposure to liabilities. No sex would end the human race, but it would certainly be a perfect solution to the problem of STDs and unwanted pregnancies.

TheDoctor · « **Reply #32 on:** September 25, 2007, 02:06:35 PM »

Quote from: Copernicus on September 25, 2007, 01:32:39 PM

Quote from: TheDoctor on September 25, 2007, 11:44:51 AM
And if the contraception fails?

Nothing is foolproof, but sex without protection and contraception will make an undesirable outcome much more likely. In the end, no sex at all with anyone ever is the safest course. That would be like the business that shuts down in order to avoid exposure to liabilities. No sex would end the human race, but it would certainly be a perfect solution to the problem of STDs and unwanted pregnancies.

Who said no sex ever? More like no sex unless you are prepared to deal with the possible consequences (which I doubt most teenagers are).

Copernicus · « **Reply #33 on:** September 25, 2007, 02:28:04 PM »

Quote from: TheDoctor on September 25, 2007, 02:06:35 PM

Who said no sex ever? More like no sex unless you are prepared to deal with the possible consequences (which I doubt most teenagers are).

I didn't claim that you said no sex ever. I merely pointed out that it would be the safest course of action if you want to avoid taking chances. I agree with you completely. Abstinence is good if you are unprepared to deal with the consequences. That is exactly what sex education is all about: This is a big step in one's life. You have an obligation to think before you act. Here is what you must do after you have decided to go ahead with it...

TheDoctor · « **Reply #34 on:** September 25, 2007, 03:00:39 PM »

Quote from: Copernicus on September 25, 2007, 02:28:04 PM

Quote from: TheDoctor on September 25, 2007, 02:06:35 PM
Who said no sex ever? More like no sex unless you are prepared to deal with the possible consequences (which I doubt most teenagers are).

I didn't claim that you said no sex ever. I merely pointed out that it would be the safest course of action if you want to avoid taking chances. I agree with you completely. Abstinence is good if you are unprepared to deal with the consequences. That is exactly what sex education is all about: This is a big step in one's life. You have an obligation to think before you act. Here is what you must do after you have decided to go ahead with it...

And a big portion of that education should be reducing the onset of teenage sexual activity, since most teenagers are not equipped to deal with the possible consequences.

Copernicus · « **Reply #35 on:** September 25, 2007, 04:21:45 PM »

Quote from: TheDoctor on September 25, 2007, 03:00:39 PM

And a big portion of that education should be reducing the onset of teenage sexual activity, since most teenagers are not equipped to deal with the possible consequences.

I'm in total agreement with you on that score. However, we cannot turn a blind eye to the fact that teenagers will behave pretty much like their parents did at their age. That is, it is inevitable that the sexual activity will take place before marriage in most cases, and it will probably not take place under conditions that are conducive to rational evaluation. Therefore, it is necessary to teach them what to do to have safe sex and to hold off on starting a family until they are ready to make a lifetime commitment.

TheDoctor · « **Reply #36 on:** September 26, 2007, 09:03:06 AM »

Quote from: Copernicus on September 25, 2007, 04:21:45 PM

Quote from: TheDoctor on September 25, 2007, 03:00:39 PM
And a big portion of that education should be reducing the onset of teenage sexual activity, since most teenagers are not equipped to deal with the possible consequences.

I'm in total agreement with you on that score. However, we cannot turn a blind eye to the fact that teenagers will behave pretty much like their parents did at their age. That is, it is inevitable that the sexual activity will take place before marriage in most cases, and it will probably not take place under conditions that are conducive to rational evaluation. Therefore, it is necessary to teach them what to do to have safe sex and to hold off on starting a family until they are ready to make a lifetime commitment.

I partially agree with you. I think it's really all about where the emphasis is place in the education, though. Do you emphasize not having sex until you are ready for marriage/kids/etc. or do you emphasize safer sex practices?

Put another way, what if we are talking about drug education? Do we assume that the students are going to do drugs anyway and teach them about using clean needles, where to score "good s**t", how not to get busted, etc?

benjdm · « **Reply #37 on:** September 26, 2007, 09:32:02 AM »

Quote from: TheDoctor on September 26, 2007, 09:03:06 AM

I partially agree with you. I think it's really all about where the emphasis is place in the education, though. Do you emphasize not having sex until you are ready for marriage/kids/etc. or do you emphasize safer sex practices?

You teach the real and understood emotional, legal, and health risks associated with sexual activities and methods for lowering the health risks. That's what we did in my high school health class, anyway.

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Put another way, what if we are talking about drug education? Do we assume that the students are going to do drugs anyway and teach them about using clean needles, where to score "good s**t", how not to get busted, etc?

You teach the real, understood emotional, legal, and health risks associated with different drugs and methods for lowering those risks. That's what we did in my high school health class, anyway. Same as above.

MzbytheBook · « **Reply #38 on:** September 26, 2007, 09:38:54 AM »

Copernicus,
Thank you. I should have noticed the warning signs. Sometimes I feel like an idiot, then other times I feel blessed because the kids and I got out before the abuse got worse!

Copernicus · « **Reply #39 on:** September 26, 2007, 02:25:57 PM »

Quote from: TheDoctor on September 26, 2007, 09:03:06 AM

I partially agree with you. I think it's really all about where the emphasis is place in the education, though. Do you emphasize not having sex until you are ready for marriage/kids/etc. or do you emphasize safer sex practices?

All sex education classes, to my knowledge, emphasize abstinence. Mine certainly did. More importantly, they clear up misunderstandings about the bodily and emotional changes that go on in the teen years. I have never heard of a sex education class that actually emphasized sexual activity among teenagers. Usually, the classes dwell on family planning issues. You don't need a lot of class time to explain how contraception devices work, but you do to explain human anatomy, pregnancies, STDs, and the effects and costs of child-rearing.

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Put another way, what if we are talking about drug education? Do we assume that the students are going to do drugs anyway and teach them about using clean needles, where to score "good s**t", how not to get busted, etc?

Clean needles and lectures on AIDS yes. Avoiding arrest and scoring "good s**t" no. It helps to give people information about the temptations that they will face, the consequences of giving in, how to deal with those temptations, and where to get help if one does become addicted. I don't think that drug education is as controversial as sex education, primarily because sex is a very sensitive topic for many parents. The real controversy is over whether there should be free clean needle programs, relaxed penalties for drug users, and the like. Unwanted pregnancies and STDs are a somewhat different problem, since they don't usually involve the complication of addictive behavior.

Author Topic: Abstinence Only (Read 4188 times)

ULTRON

ULTRON