Danny:
Before we get started, I saw
this in my rss feed this morning and it made me laugh. Enjoy.
Now..
i was an atheist before i got into nursing, but i think that if i hadn't been, the experience of sitting with innumerable husbands, wives, parents, friends and children of people who are dying or have already died as they pray for divine intervention that they could not want and need more, but which never arrives, would probably have made me one.The Simple Answers:
I think we're dealing with two issues here. The first is whether or not prayer works and the second is suffering. The easy answers to those two questions (which you've probably heard far too many times) are that the point of prayer is not for God to give us what we want, but for us to get closer to God, and that if God's going to allow free will, that means he also has to allow suffering.
The Not-So-Simple Answers:
My friend Tim's daughter Katie was raped. Twice. By the same guy.
We have a church group that meets at our place each Wednesday. A bunch of us get together to talk about life, the Bible and a few other things. Sometimes people share some serious stuff. Other times we talk about sports and the weather. A few weeks ago, Tim talked about what was going on in his life. Tim and his wife recently got a divorce. She got custody of Katie, which has been exceptionally hard for Tim. Tim loves his boys (who are both grown now) but, as Tim often says, "This is my Katie. My little girl."
Katie's only fifteen years old, but you wouldn't know that when you talk to her. She's got the kind of wit you'd expect from somebody much older, the kind of stuff that stops you in your tracks and puts you in your place no matter how old you are. Tim's a football coach and, for years, Katie's been at his side during the games, sometimes calling plays. She's that good. I've been a football fan my whole life, but there's no way I could adapt an offensive strategy in-game the way she apparently can. It's surreal.
So Tim and his wife get a divorce and mom gets custody. Katie moves into an apartment with her mother and a few months later starts cutting. Then she tries to commit suicide. Then she tries again. This goes on for a while and nobody can figure out what's going on. She tried again a few weeks ago and, afterward, Tim finally got her to tell him what was going on.
Katie had been dating this guy, a football player for the high school team who used to play for Tim when he was younger. She brought him to church one day. They held hands and smiled. She was so happy to be with him. One day they were in her room at her mom's house and things got out of hand. She said no but he didn't stop. Katie is small and this guy was a linebacker. There was nothing she could do.
Afterward, Katie wondered whether it was her fault. Maybe she could have said something different. Or done something different. Maybe she led him on. Maybe she gave the wrong signals. Maybe … Maybe… None of it was true, obviously, but that doesn't make it any easier.
Then it happened again.
Katie's been in counseling since the first suicide attempt, but her mom can barely afford to take care of herself let alone Katie. Katie's mom is bipolar. She stopped taking her medicine when Katie tried to kill herself. She stopped so she could pay for the counseling visits, her mom said. "I'm off my medication because of you," she said. Katie's mom, doing what lots of manic-depressives do when they're off their meds, spends all her money and the child support Tim sends her on binges when she's manic and then blames everyone – including Katie – when she swings the other way. As soon as Katie told everyone what happened, Katie's mom said she was going to stop counseling because she couldn't afford it. Tim took extra part-time jobs to pay for his daughter's counseling.
"Its my Katie," he said. "It's my little girl."
We've been praying for them for a while. Things seem to be getting worse, though. Tim works as a maintenance guy at an elder care facility. He used to be a pastor, though. He actually speaks Greek and Hebrew (along with English). If anyone knows how to answer the eternal question "Why," it would be him. But when we got together last week, he just kept saying, "I don't know. I don't know. I don't know what to do."
Neither do I.
I say this so when I tell you I know what you're talking about you'll believe me. I get it. I'm also not going to share a lame platitude like "God works in mysterious ways" or "Everything works according to God's will." When life sucks, that's the last thing I want to hear.
And I'm a Christian. I actually believe that stuff.
When stuff like that happens, I want to ask if God even exists. Does he listen to prayers? Does he answer them? If so, does he only answer some and not others? Is he not capable of answering prayers? If so, how can he be God. If not, then why doesn't He? Maybe the point of prayer is for me to get to know God better. Okay. Fine. But he certainly has the ability to intervene now and again. He does it for others. Why not me? Why not now? … Why not Katie?
I don't know. I wish I did. So how do I answer this?
One thing I think about is Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead. Before he did that, he wept. Jesus didn't want Lazarus to die and, when he did, it made him sad. Human suffering makes God sad. That's good, I think. At least he's not a sadist.
Then I think about God's perspective. He's got an eternal view of things. Maybe, from his perspective, going through some of the things we go through gets us to where we need to go. If Jen and I hadn't gone through a couple of miscarriages, we never would have been able to help our friends who have struggled with the same thing. A lot of people use this answer. I don't like it, especially in light of Katie, but it's the best I can come up with.
So the argument says God has to give us free will or there is no love. What that also says to me is, if God wants there to be Love, there must also be suffering. That's when I ask, "Why go ahead with creating the world and all that if you know there's going to be suffering? Why take the risk."
That's a question we all have to ask. Why risk being someone's friend if that friend could betray you? Why risk loving someone if that person could leave you after 25 years of marriage, or die of cancer, or sleep with your best friend. Or rape you. Twice.
Before Jen and I had kids, we wondered about the morality of bringing children into a world where we knew there was a good chance they could be hurt or hurt others. Our answer was this…love is worth the risk. It's not something I can prove. It's not something I can experiment with in a lab. It's just something I feel. To me, love is worth the risk. 'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. And so on.
I think God risks giving us life and free will because he wants to love us and he wants to love others. I pray because I believe his perspective of how things work is better than mine and I want to get in tune with that, even if it means stepping out and doing things that don't seem to make sense to me in the moment. Sometimes I get what I ask for. Other times I don't. That's not the point, though. I think he wants the best for us but, when things get bad, he cries with us and helps us move on.
That's not a satisfactory answer. I know. But it's the best I got.
I hope things are going well. I was about to tell you to have a good Thanksgiving if I don't talk to you beforehand. But then I remembered you don't' do that over there. I can be dumb sometimes.
Joe